Tag Archives: parenting

Women are the thought collectors

Women are the thought collectors – why we always ask: what are
you thinking?

My husband said he figured out why women always ask: what are you thinking?
He said it was because women’s minds were always going/thinking & so they must just not realize men aren’t really thinking anything…which he admitted, he rarely was…

But just like other men who think women just blather on mindlessly, our minds always
in a perpetual monkey chatter…I had to give him the real reason why.

We are the thought collectors. Of everyone in our collective family groups.
Because we are the more biologically programmed nurturers- we ask to collect information that will behoove the rest of our family units.

In bed, to the male next to us…maybe – what are you thinking – is our translation for: are you happy and do you need help at all today; or are you going to offer me help – and – do you ever wonder what my concerns are – like will there be food for me and the child suckling at my breast all day…for the small rug rats pulling on the hem of my robe…it translates to will real needs be met.

To the children it means what are you thinking – doing this or that, playing with fire,
Injuring each other – I need to know, so I can halt the behavior, or modify it somehow
so that a killing does not occur on my watch.

It also becomes a way to discern which way the winds blow…we ask to find out how our charges are doing, faring, feeling.

An example: Woman to child – How was your test today?

A male: Wow, you’re still in school? I thought this one had already run away with the little guy down the road..pats childs head, exits room to get beer and turn brain off/ disengage further at the end of the day. (Excuse me for extreme example which surely is not the truth – but!)

And, because he is more likely to have been DNA’d that way ..it’s the most natural response for a man, because he has braved every element that day – the fiercest storms, animals and other unsavory and quite possibly lethal situations that could have gotten his ass killed…and so, to de-stress and not be stressed by his often-times annoying, clingy family unit – he must disassociate in his own way.

That’s totally understandable – if not acceptable to a degree.

But to say us women just “always have to be thinking something, always have to ask what are you thinking?”

It’s hard-wired into us…the thought collector’s, the gaugers of everyone’s emotional health and well-being…the person in charge of caring whether you are indeed clothed, fed, sheltered…and not slapped around too much.

The unfortunate aspect to this nurturing and caring too, is that it tends to dissolve any boundaries we have for ourselves. We are bombarded by requests..from simple mom, M O M – look at me: swim, jump, prance, dance, whatever…that we are not even allowed the most private of moments, be they simple bathroom breaks, or trying to enjoy some semblance of peace and quiet for our poor overworked brains to rest and reboot properly…

And because we are asked constantly, and we are on the lookout for others constantly – when we ask: what are you thinking? We expect an answer. Maybe the answer helps quell our concerns that our family members have indeed had their needs met and
since we are allowed no boundaries for ourselves, we figure it should indeed be a two way street…

Later – when children stop needing the constant attention, help with homework, advice with life’s issues, or what-have-you – when they think they have it all figured out and don’t need you anymore – it’s funny that they think, jeez why is she always so up in my face. Yeah, it’s funny.

What are you thinking?